Sunday Morning Coffee Chat, “Age-Shaming and Dealing with Negativity during PhotoShoots”

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Good morning everyone. Happy Sunday and here’s another edition of Sunday morning coffee chat. As I’ve said in past Sunday posts, this is about talking and/or expressing my views and opinions on issues and topics that I normally don’t talk about on my site here. Because I missed last Sunday, today is a two for one post.

Topic number One: Age Shaming

A big pet peeve of mine is when people think I don’t know what I’m talking about, or that I am dumb, or inexperienced just because I’m younger then them. I especially used to get this a lot when I was in my early twenties but the truth was that the majority of my friends were older than me and would forget my age because we had the same maturity level. I really hate when people, especially when I have to work with them on a shoot or a show, are condescending or try to shove their age, experience, and so-called professionalism in my face. After having a bunch of so-called friends in my life that I stopped being friends with because of the way they treated me or took advantage of my friendship, I’m VERY GOOD at reading people and the impressions they give off.

Concerning being on shoots or behind the scenes of a performance, I’ve encountered a few people that have treated me like a brand new model or performer who they think can boss me around or treat me poorly. That EXTREMELY bothers me because they don’t know what I’ve done and for how long, my experiences I’ve had, and all the things I’ve been through. I DON’T PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!! No shoot or job is worth it if it’s going to upset you or bring down your self-esteem. ALWAYS BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF AND YOUR SKILLS AND TALENT. ALSO STAND UP TO ANYONE WHO IS MAKING YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF WHETHER IT’S YOUR AGE OR ANYTHING. WHAT’S THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN IF YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF? When you do stand up for yourself, you don’t need to cuss at the person who’s upsetting you. I know it’s hard and I’ve had to control myself going completely off before. (I admit that sometimes I fail at that.) Instead be extra polite when confronting the person and show how confident you are when you speak because you know what you’re talking about and the person will pick up on your confidence and most likely won’t be rude or treat your poorly again.

Just because I may be younger than you, doesn’t mean you know what I’ve been though in my life. I can get very angry when people say things like that to me. If I know the person and it’s in a playful manner then I’m not bothered. If I know the intention is vindictive, then I’ll most likely tell them that it’s none of their business or to “shut the fuck up.” I can honestly say that I’ve never age-shamed someone for being too young or too old.

 Topic Two: More About Dealing with negativity or drama during photoshoots:

I wanted to talk about this specifically as advice for new models or for people, especially girls who are interested in getting into modeling. I’m speaking from personal experience about a scenario that happened to me a few months back. Another HUGE PET PEEVE OF MINE is when the person in charge of the shoot, whether if it’s a group or individual shoot, tells me that they “Always protect their girls and their model’s safety and comfort level, and to tell them if you are having an issue with anyone on set,” and then when you do tell them a concern or a harassing issue that happened between you and a certain photographer or another person on set, that same person who preaches about keeping their girl’s safe and sticking up for them, goes to that photographer and tells them what you said about them and then takes the side of the them instead of yours.

   And to top it off, that photographer that was making others uncomfortable, angry, and who had been rude confronts you through messaging for voicing your concerns to the person in charge of the shoot. I had that happen to me and I didn’t even say anything about them. I was actually with another model and another photographer that told the person in charge how aggressive and rude this certain photographer was behaving and I just agreed with them. And then the rude photographer who didn’t even give me any of the photos he shot of me because he tried to get money from me, messages me and confronts only me about talking about him. I was the only one he confronted which pissed me off because I wasn’t the person who really said anything and the person in charge “stirred the pot” and told him what was said and through me “under the bus” for no reason. And even when I told them that he was messaging me which was extremely unprofessional and weird and even showed screenshots to show that I wasn’t exaggerating, she still took his side. And then when I asked him a simple question about my photos he had shot of me, he tried to tell me that the group shoot was a TFP shoot which means trade for prints or trade for photos. I told him I knew what it meant and that I had been modeling for awhile. And if it was a TRADE shoot, why did he try to charge me or even take pictures of me if he knew he wasn’t going to give me any of my images?

I was so angry as well as my husband who is also a photographer as well as friends of mine who’ve worked with me many times. My husband almost was ready to get involved with the situation. I was upset because not only did I get confronted by a condescending ass of a photographer but I lost all respect and trust for the person who put the shoot together. The whole situation was so unprofessional and bizarre. I don’t mind sharing this experience because it may help other models be aware of what can happen on a shoot behind the scenes and will know what to do if a similar situation happens to them. No shoot is worth you feeling that way. If you’re a new model or have an interest in modeling be sure to not let anyone treat you that way no matter what and to again always have confidence in yourself.

Thank you for reading this and for your support. Be sure to leave your comments and opinions below and to subscribe to my site if you haven’t already.

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5 thoughts on “Sunday Morning Coffee Chat, “Age-Shaming and Dealing with Negativity during PhotoShoots”

  1. I stopped being friends with gals before who were always telling me what I “SHOULD” be doing with my life. One friend was younger than me, one was my age, the other was older and they all apparently had the answers as to what I should be doing with my life, rather than accepting me as I am. I won’t put up with that shit either. The worst is what you said, when someone says they will protect you, then you raise an issue (in your case harassment on set) and the person who says they will protect you takes side with the offending party. Lots of that in theater too. Thanks for sharing, great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, that photoshoot sounds like it was terrible, and the fact that you were thrown under the bus merely for agreeing with someone else who was speaking out against that photographer is really crappy. Thank you for sharing all of these experiences, knowing about the kind of BS that sometimes happens behind the scenes can be really helpful for other girls and women who are going into modelling. *Huge hug* I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this negativity, Carlie.

    Liked by 1 person

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