I’ve been thinking about friendships lately and over the years since I was little, I made friends, had best friends, lost friendships like everyone does. I even ended two long term friendships with ladies who I thought we’d be best friends forever, one was my best friend (We’ll call her B) of almost twenty years, and my other so-called best friend (We’ll call her A) of almost eighteen years. There are good reasons why I couldn’t give my energy to them or be friends with them which I will discuss below.
In our lives, friends come and go of course and we always learn something from them, whether it’s what we don’t want in a friendship, or that putting all your loving energy into someone who doesn’t appreciate and/or reciprocate isn’t worth it. If you’re looking for a true friendship, or want to make sure a particular friend of yours is a “True Friend,” here are some tips and advice that may help. I’m speaking from experience. **On a side note some people like to have A LOT of friends or so called friends around them so they can feel good or popular, which is nothing wrong with that. Me personally, (again after trial and error friendships,) I’d rather have a small group of close and TRUE and LOVING friends than a huge group of FAIR WEATHER friends.
1. Is is a 50/50 friendship?
I’ve had friends where I have always have been truly supportive in their times of need whether it be me grieving with them, listening to their problems, hearing the issues of their love life, etc., and when I try to get some support or advice from them, they are either too busy to talk on the phone or whatever, or they’re so self-involved that they don’t hear me or care. I don’t go for that. A true friend always makes time for you and communicates. Even if they can’t talk at the moment, a true friend will call or text you when they can. A true friendship is not one-sided.
2. Are you ALWAYS the one to call first and make plans?
This annoys me so much. With a lot of my so-called friends, (otherwise known as acquaintances,) and past friends I’m always the one calling to make plans, even if it’s just a dinner date or to come over for a drink, etc. That’s not cool. I’ve come to the point where for my own mental state, I can’t always be the one to initiate spending time with someone. My time is just as valuable as the other person and it is so extremely rude when people don’t respect your time.
3. In times of need, are they there for you?
This is probably the most important thing of a true friendship. Is your friend there for you in serious times of need, whether it’s a death in the family, a breakup, dealing with depression, anything. True friends should always be there for each other.
4. Can they peel themselves away from their significant partner to spend one on one quality time with you?
In my twenties, I dropped a girlfriend, (the one who I had been friends with for almost eighteen years because she could not peel her self away from her boyfriend. It was ridiculous. If I wanted to have “Girl Time,” with my friend, I wasn’t allowed because he had to be there. I don’t know who’s insecurity it was, his or hers, but it pissed me off and told my friend that and that I wanted to talk about personal issues with her that I didn’t want her new boyfriend to know, and that was the last time she spoke to me. What a great friend huh? To be fair, she treats her mother like garbage and always has since I’ve known her so I should’ve expected similar treatment.
I know this was a long Sunday Coffee Chat but I thought this was a good topic and can possibly help you determine who your close and true friends are. I am very selective with the special people I allow in my friendship circle and because of that, I HAVE SOME EXTREMELY WONDERFUL SPECIAL BEST FRIENDS THAT I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON AND WHO CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME. I’VE FEATURED SOME OF THEM ON MY SITE HERE IN THE PAST AS WELL.
What are your friendships like? Do you have any stories you want to share? You know I always love to hear from you guys. Just leave them in the comment section as usual. Thank you for reading another edition of Sunday Coffee Chat and a HUGE SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MY VERY WONDERFUL TRUE FRIENDS! YOU KNOW WHO YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS ARE. WINK WINK!
An extra special thanks to my long time sister Monica Martinez for always being there for me and never judging me through all the crazy crap her and I have both been through. I’ve known her for almost ten years.