Sunday Morning Coffee Chat: Winter Holiday Traditions

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   This Sunday morning’s coffee chat is all about winter and holiday traditions. I love traditions and think that they are important to have. I titled this chat article “winter and holiday traditions” because that is the time of year we are in and this is when a lot of traditions happen. Having said that, having certain rituals and traditions don’t necessarily have anything to do with religion. People do have specific things they do for their religion every year but you shouldn’t feel that you can’t enjoy your own traditions if don’t celebrate a certain holiday or are more spiritual than religious. Even if you’re not, you still can have your own rituals and traditions that you can enjoy this time of the year. You already have certain traditions that you may not even be aware of such as eating at the same restaurant for your birthday every year, or traveling to the same place during the off season every year.

   I think having family traditions is very important. For me, it gives me a great sense of comfort especially if I’m going through stressful or hard times in my life. I grew up with certain traditions from my parents and it’s something that I want to enjoy continuing in my life and can hopefully one day pass them on to my own family. What are some of the traditions you grew up with? What are some good memories that they gave you? If you didn’t grow up having a lot of warm memories or traditions for whatever reason, don’t let that discourage you. Start your own! Create your own rituals and traditions that make you happy that you can do every year. The most important thing is being happy!

   Even though I’m into scary horror and sensual burlesque and make crazy art, I’m very wholesome in the sense of having traditions, especially family holiday ones. For the winter holiday season I definitely have my fun and comforting things that I do every year. Here are my main traditions that I do the same time every year. Of course, I light my menorah for the eight nights of Hanukkah, spin dreidels, and open a present each night with my hubby. I also celebrate Yule which is the Winter Solstice. After doing these, there are also a few other things that we do every year.

  One major tradition that I do with my husband every year is the two of us wearing our Hanukkah sweaters, (which you saw in my previous Hanukkah post), get into the car, stop at a coffee shop to grab a holiday coffee drink or hot cocoa, and drive around looking at the Christmas lights and decorations on the houses. I also love looking at the decorated trees that are displayed in the windows. Even though I don’t celebrate Christmas, I always went light looking with my parents and brother and it’s still something I love doing and will always love doing that. My husband and I actual went last night and did that and had so much fun.

   One of my other fun holiday traditions is that I HAVE TO WATCH certain seasonal holiday films each year. And I have to watch them with certain people. For example, my husband is allowed to choose pretty much any movie for us to watch as long as we watch, “Muppets Christmas Carol,” “Elf,” and of course, “Krampus.” Those are a must.

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   Now again even though my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, on Christmas Eve day, I go to my folks and stay over for Christmas day. During that time, my mom and I order a fabulous charcuterie tray, have champagne, and watch, “Love Actually,” “Meet me in St. Louis,” and “Frozen.”

   Those are my fun wholesome winter holiday traditions. What are some of your traditions and fun things you enjoy doing during this time of the year? I’d love to know. Whatever you all do, I hope you all have a beautiful winter and a wonderful holiday season! 

                                                    XoXo

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Sunday Morning Coffee Chat: “How to Develop True Friendships and to Have/Keep True Friends.”

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I’ve been thinking about friendships lately and over the years since I was little, I made friends, had best friends, lost friendships like everyone does. I even ended two long term friendships with ladies who I thought we’d be best friends forever, one was my best friend (We’ll call her B) of almost twenty years, and my other so-called best friend (We’ll call her A) of almost eighteen years. There are good reasons why I couldn’t give my energy to them or be friends with them which I will discuss below.

In our lives, friends come and go of course and we always learn something from them, whether it’s what we don’t want in a friendship, or that putting all your loving energy into someone who doesn’t appreciate and/or reciprocate isn’t worth it. If you’re looking for a true friendship, or want to make sure a particular friend of yours is a “True Friend,” here are some tips and advice that may help. I’m speaking from experience. **On a side note some people like to have A LOT of friends or so called friends around them so they can feel good or popular, which is nothing wrong with that. Me personally, (again after trial and error friendships,) I’d rather have a small group of close and TRUE and LOVING friends than a huge group of FAIR WEATHER friends.

1.    Is is a 50/50 friendship?

I’ve had friends where I have always have been truly supportive in their times of need whether it be me grieving with them, listening to their problems, hearing the issues of their love life, etc., and when I try to get some support or advice from them, they are either too busy to talk on the phone or whatever, or they’re so self-involved that they don’t hear me or care. I don’t go for that. A true friend always makes time for you and communicates. Even if they can’t talk at the moment, a true friend will call or text you when they can. A true friendship is not one-sided.

2. Are you ALWAYS the one to call first and make plans?

This annoys me so much. With a lot of my so-called friends, (otherwise known as acquaintances,) and past friends I’m always the one calling to make plans, even if it’s just a dinner date or to come over for a drink, etc. That’s not cool. I’ve come to the point where for my own mental state, I can’t always be the one to initiate spending time with someone. My time is just as valuable as the other person and it is so extremely rude when people don’t respect your time.

3. In times of need, are they there for you?

This is probably the most important thing of a true friendship. Is your friend there for you in serious times of need, whether it’s a death in the family, a breakup, dealing with depression, anything. True friends should always be there for each other.

4. Can they peel themselves away from their significant partner to spend one on one quality time with you?

In my twenties, I dropped a girlfriend, (the one who I had been friends with for almost eighteen years because she could not peel her self away from her boyfriend. It was ridiculous. If I wanted to have “Girl Time,” with my friend, I wasn’t allowed because he had to be there. I don’t know who’s insecurity it was, his or hers, but it pissed me off and told my friend that and that I wanted to talk about personal issues with her that I didn’t want her new boyfriend to know, and that was the last time she spoke to me. What a great friend huh? To be fair, she treats her mother like garbage and always has since I’ve known her so I should’ve expected similar treatment.

I know this was a long Sunday Coffee Chat but I thought this was a good topic and can possibly help you determine who your close and true friends are. I am very selective with the special people I allow in my friendship circle and because of that, I HAVE SOME EXTREMELY WONDERFUL SPECIAL BEST FRIENDS THAT I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON AND WHO CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME. I’VE FEATURED SOME OF THEM ON MY SITE HERE IN THE PAST AS WELL.

What are your friendships like? Do you have any stories you want to share? You know I always love to hear from you guys. Just leave them in the comment section as usual. Thank you for reading another edition of Sunday Coffee Chat and a HUGE SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MY VERY WONDERFUL TRUE FRIENDS! YOU KNOW WHO YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS ARE. WINK WINK!

An extra special thanks to my long time sister Monica Martinez for always being there for me and never judging me through all the crazy crap her and I have both been through. I’ve known her for almost ten years.

Sunday Morning Coffee Chat: “Privacy and Pressuring People”

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Morning everyone. Here’s another edition of  “Sunday Morning Coffee Chat.” Today’s topic is on privacy. I’ve noticed that people have a big issue with privacy, whether it’s feeling that they’re too private and don’t share enough or that they don’t keep anything private in their lives, or that others make them feel bad about being too private and not opening up, etc. This is how I feel about that. Being private is never a bad thing. What I think lands in a gray area sometimes is the difference between being private or not being private enough VERSUS people getting frustrated with the people they love and care about because they “SHUT DOWN”  and never really open up and share important issues in their lives. That’s not the focus of today’s article but I know I will discuss more about “shutting down” and the “Gray area” in the future., (maybe next post.)

Today I wanted to talk about privacy in the sense of how people can sometimes expect and pressure you to tell your whole life story a few seconds after you first meet them. I really hate when people overstep their boundaries and try to insert themselves in other people’s business or situations that they don’t know anything about. That probably annoys me the most. 

I consider myself a somewhat private person. Yes I’m on social media and I have a few sites including a youtube channel, but the main reason I have all that is to promote myself and my work. I don’t use every social media service either. I only have Instagram, which is what I use the most, Facebook, and twitter which I don’t use as much anymore, With that said, I never really post photos of my family except for my husband but even with him, I pick and choose which pictures to post so he is comfortable, especially since he doesn’t use social media as much as I do. Even though I’m private and very selective about posting things about my family, I don’t clock my friends or anyone who are proud and want to show pictures of their loved ones.  It’s everyone’s own personal choice. For me personally, especially since we live in an era of social media, I enjoy having some mystery in my life.

Now when it comes to meeting a new person and wanting to get to know them better, or even if you know the person already, you can’t force them to open up to you if they don’t want to. If you keep pressuring them, it usually makes them retreat and do the opposite, at least that’s what happens with me. If someone is teasing or bothering me to talk, I usually end up keeping my mouth shut and ignoring their request. You shouldn’t ever feel bad or weird if you don’t want to share certain things with others. You keep whatever you want in your life private and don’t ever feel guilty about that.

I have a HUGE PROBLEM with people overstepping their bounds. I’ve had that happen to me which I talked about in my last Sunday/Wednesday Coffee Chat post which was called, “Don’t Involve Yourself in My Family.” I don’t appreciate when people try to “Catch Me” in something to make themselves look better and/or to prove me wrong. When people have tried to confront me about something specific they think I may have said or done, not being open with them, or being overly private, I just think to myself as well as saying out loud, “Yeah and what’s your point?” or “It’s None of Your Business.” I get really upset and pissed off when people interfere in other people’s lives when it’s not out of concern. If you’re truly concerned about someone because of a situation that is unhealthy or possibly dangerous, that’s completely different. I have an issue when people interfere just to create drama, especially when it involves me and especially when it’s someone who I thought I could trust and count on to support me and to not interfere where they don’t belong.

To finish this off, my advice to anyone who deals with people getting overly involved in their private life, is to not post things online that you don’t want to have to explain, tell people to mind their own business if you know their intentions aren’t pure, and to always have confidence in yourself and to trust your instincts, especially when deciding what to keep private in your life. And I will say this one more time. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for keeping some things private in your life. It’s your prerogative.

   Thank you for spending another Sunday morning having a quick discussion with me. I appreciate you all and see you very soon. Happy Sunday!

Sunday/Wednesday Coffee Chat: “Don’t InvolveYourself in My Family!”

817BF85D-3C89-4257-AB4A-BB4144C455DEGood morning everyone, here’s another morning coffee chat about a new topic and my experience. I’m posting this today cause I’ve been dealing through a lot lately but wanted to keep working and writing for you guys. Today’s morning topic is all about people involving themselves in my family business. I’m very big on boundaries. I’m not talking about kids and their families. I’m talking about people who involve themselves with my parents relationships which I’ve seen with my own eyes, which I almost punched that person out, but I didn’t because I’m a lady.

Another perfect example about not getting involved in family members that angered me so much was when of my husband’s relatives wrote a quote on my Facebook under my status which is a strong and positive quote to me. It said and you may recognize cause I’m said it a few time, “Don’t poke a bear in the zoo sweetiepie!” That meaning to me means to attack me because you think I’m inferior. I’ll defend myself if you “poke” at me. (And by the way I didn’t name anyone when I posted this simple quote and I didn’t invent the quote.)

So after the quote was posted on my Facebook, which I only use for promoting my art, selling my pieces, and promoting bombshell, I got a call from my husband when he was working yelling and asking what I posted. I had no idea what he was talking about especially since Nima rarely is on there. What he told him, I thought my head would explode…,

My amazing husband told me that his cousin, who I also considered my cousin, is on Facebook who I’m friends with and bothered my husband at work who works the hardest out of EVERYONE in his family, asking if I was ok or if I was going to hurt myself. That’s absolutely crazy!!! She’s a psychiatrist so she over analyzes every thing. My husband apologized and we were both pissed how his cousin who was my family started an argument between my husband and I and when I told her I was upset so was puzzled and her excuse was, “Well it was the only time this happened so why are you two upset?” It’s almost comical! I said we are allowed to be angry. 

I know this is long but I’m wrapping up this Sunday coffee chat by saying some words of advice. 

1. I don’t care if you grew up with my husband, we are in a marriage and don’t EVER come in between my marriage unless you know what you’re talking about. Unless there is DOMESTIC ABUSE in the family, don’t get involved! You don’t always know the situation!

2. DON’T EVER ATTACK MY Family!!!! Like I said earlier, “Don’t poke a bear in the zoo!”

Thank you for reading this and all your support and listening to my opinions and experiences. Make sure to like and comment and follow my site if you haven’t already below!!!!!!

Sunday Morning Coffee Chat, “Age-Shaming and Dealing with Negativity during PhotoShoots”

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Good morning everyone. Happy Sunday and here’s another edition of Sunday morning coffee chat. As I’ve said in past Sunday posts, this is about talking and/or expressing my views and opinions on issues and topics that I normally don’t talk about on my site here. Because I missed last Sunday, today is a two for one post.

Topic number One: Age Shaming

A big pet peeve of mine is when people think I don’t know what I’m talking about, or that I am dumb, or inexperienced just because I’m younger then them. I especially used to get this a lot when I was in my early twenties but the truth was that the majority of my friends were older than me and would forget my age because we had the same maturity level. I really hate when people, especially when I have to work with them on a shoot or a show, are condescending or try to shove their age, experience, and so-called professionalism in my face. After having a bunch of so-called friends in my life that I stopped being friends with because of the way they treated me or took advantage of my friendship, I’m VERY GOOD at reading people and the impressions they give off.

Concerning being on shoots or behind the scenes of a performance, I’ve encountered a few people that have treated me like a brand new model or performer who they think can boss me around or treat me poorly. That EXTREMELY bothers me because they don’t know what I’ve done and for how long, my experiences I’ve had, and all the things I’ve been through. I DON’T PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!! No shoot or job is worth it if it’s going to upset you or bring down your self-esteem. ALWAYS BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF AND YOUR SKILLS AND TALENT. ALSO STAND UP TO ANYONE WHO IS MAKING YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF WHETHER IT’S YOUR AGE OR ANYTHING. WHAT’S THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN IF YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF? When you do stand up for yourself, you don’t need to cuss at the person who’s upsetting you. I know it’s hard and I’ve had to control myself going completely off before. (I admit that sometimes I fail at that.) Instead be extra polite when confronting the person and show how confident you are when you speak because you know what you’re talking about and the person will pick up on your confidence and most likely won’t be rude or treat your poorly again.

Just because I may be younger than you, doesn’t mean you know what I’ve been though in my life. I can get very angry when people say things like that to me. If I know the person and it’s in a playful manner then I’m not bothered. If I know the intention is vindictive, then I’ll most likely tell them that it’s none of their business or to “shut the fuck up.” I can honestly say that I’ve never age-shamed someone for being too young or too old.

 Topic Two: More About Dealing with negativity or drama during photoshoots:

I wanted to talk about this specifically as advice for new models or for people, especially girls who are interested in getting into modeling. I’m speaking from personal experience about a scenario that happened to me a few months back. Another HUGE PET PEEVE OF MINE is when the person in charge of the shoot, whether if it’s a group or individual shoot, tells me that they “Always protect their girls and their model’s safety and comfort level, and to tell them if you are having an issue with anyone on set,” and then when you do tell them a concern or a harassing issue that happened between you and a certain photographer or another person on set, that same person who preaches about keeping their girl’s safe and sticking up for them, goes to that photographer and tells them what you said about them and then takes the side of the them instead of yours.

   And to top it off, that photographer that was making others uncomfortable, angry, and who had been rude confronts you through messaging for voicing your concerns to the person in charge of the shoot. I had that happen to me and I didn’t even say anything about them. I was actually with another model and another photographer that told the person in charge how aggressive and rude this certain photographer was behaving and I just agreed with them. And then the rude photographer who didn’t even give me any of the photos he shot of me because he tried to get money from me, messages me and confronts only me about talking about him. I was the only one he confronted which pissed me off because I wasn’t the person who really said anything and the person in charge “stirred the pot” and told him what was said and through me “under the bus” for no reason. And even when I told them that he was messaging me which was extremely unprofessional and weird and even showed screenshots to show that I wasn’t exaggerating, she still took his side. And then when I asked him a simple question about my photos he had shot of me, he tried to tell me that the group shoot was a TFP shoot which means trade for prints or trade for photos. I told him I knew what it meant and that I had been modeling for awhile. And if it was a TRADE shoot, why did he try to charge me or even take pictures of me if he knew he wasn’t going to give me any of my images?

I was so angry as well as my husband who is also a photographer as well as friends of mine who’ve worked with me many times. My husband almost was ready to get involved with the situation. I was upset because not only did I get confronted by a condescending ass of a photographer but I lost all respect and trust for the person who put the shoot together. The whole situation was so unprofessional and bizarre. I don’t mind sharing this experience because it may help other models be aware of what can happen on a shoot behind the scenes and will know what to do if a similar situation happens to them. No shoot is worth you feeling that way. If you’re a new model or have an interest in modeling be sure to not let anyone treat you that way no matter what and to again always have confidence in yourself.

Thank you for reading this and for your support. Be sure to leave your comments and opinions below and to subscribe to my site if you haven’t already.

Sunday/Thursday Morning Coffee Chat, “Giving Zero F*cks”

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I know I was supposed to post this topic this past Sunday but for personal reasons I couldn’t, so I’m making it up this morning with my cold Frappachino bottle and talking about “giving zero fucks.” 

I chose this topic because when I was younger, I definitely cared about what certain people and friends thought of me. By the time I reached my early 20’s I started caring less and less what anyone thought of me or if they disagreed with my opinions. I could’ve cared less. Unless it was my hubby’s opinion, haha. Wink wink!

   During those college years, I started realizing that after highschool, it’s not a popularity contest and no one gives a fuck how cool you were in highschool! 

I actually have a tattoo, my first word one, that says, “This is Life, not Heaven,  you don’t have to be Perfect!,” which is what I live by.  As long as my family and loved ones are happy, I’m happy!

My biggest advice to especially younger people or to anyone is to not care what anyone thinks about you.  Here’s a good book that I just got and already love that I recommend checking out.

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   Hope this little advice helps!!!! Lots of love!!!!!